What our heart needs...

Earlier this year, I did a 21-day meditation challenge with The Chopra Center.  I didn't quite complete the challenge (it was challenging), but the first few days of it got the wheels of transformation in motion.  All of the sessions were led by various facilitators that are part of the center, and each session had some powerful words of wisdom.  One of my favourite ones was led by Davidji where he spoke about the basic needs of our heart.  This came to me as a blessing on a day when I was struggling with a lot of anxiety.  Hearing this that morning helped put me at ease and handle an emotionally charged situation with a more centered sense of self, and awareness of my feelings. 

I've heard this session a few times since, but it first found me on a day when my heart really needed some TLC.  So, I decided to share it here.  All of us need some TLC every now and again... who knows whose heart this may touch...

There are four basic needs our heart has - Attention, Affection, Appreciation, and Acceptance.  These needs get progressively more complex and involve more and more aspects.  But they’re a great guage to tell us when our needs are being met or not being met.

 

Attention

We all have the need to be seen, noticed.  Just to be recognized.  Someone looks at us and their eyes smile, that’s good enough for us.

Affection

A little bit deeper of a need is affection.  Affection is attention with little bit of warmth, sweetness.  A caress, a pat on the head, a hug.  A look that goes just a little bit beyond attention.  It’s sort of attention with sweet intention.

Appreciation

Once we have been noticed and warmly treated, we want acknowledgement.  We want someone to recognize our contribution, our value, some aspect of our being.

Acceptance

This takes it one step further.  Now you’ve been invited in, included!  You’re a part of something bigger than yourself.  This could be a club, a political party, a company, a team, a group – any category.  Community is essentially what it is.  And since we come from the Whole and spend our entire life personalizing, customizing, and individuating – it’s so beautiful.  The reason we want to be accepted is because we’re looking for some way to return back to the whole.  We all want to be accepted as part of that wholeness as we return our lives ever so beautifully moving closer to the Whole. 

When our needs are not met, essentially our need for attention, affection, appreciation, acceptance – we respond with irritation, anxiety, detachment, with lower self-esteem, sadness, fear, anger.  So rather than just having these emotions blanket us, when you suddenly feel a relationship turbulence, or challenge, or difficulty or estrangement – ask yourself what need is not getting met right now.  Is it attention, affection, appreciation, or affection?  And then know, from what seed your dis-ease, your discomfort sprouts from.  And then you can move along that way in a more conscious communication, a non-violent communication fashion to express what’s not necessarily getting done, to express need is not being met.  And from there, you and I have the ability to lead a more fulfilling, more heart-centered, more beautiful life.

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