Free to myself...

This past weekend, I went away for a writing retreat.  It was an experience I have yet to find the right words to describe.  In the meantime I figured I could share snippets of it here and there.  It was, after all, a "writing" retreat. :)

Our first exercise on the evening of our arrival was to write about our intent for the weekend.

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What's my intent for this weekend?  For this retreat?

That's been weighing me down as do most expectations.  But I need to remember there's a difference between 'expectation' and 'intention'.  My intention, as always and from everything, is to feel more connected with myself.  I know... that's 'fru-fru' to me too sometimes, so I can appreciate that it's hard to understand.  But it is really all I want from this weekend.
 
A lot has been going on, so there has been tons to write about.  I hope to discover what makes it through the sieve of my awareness as it  becomes clearer through the weekend.  I want to experience every experience in its totality - whether it's the silence, or the yoga, or the writing.  I want to feel more connected with myself by disconnecting myself from the feelings I am aware of right now, sitting among people who have seen more of life than me, are more avid writers than me, etc.!  I want to be free of my fear of 'their' judgment because deep down I know it's my own judgment that I'm projecting.  I'm one of the younger people here so I'm really nervous, but it's also the kind of opportunity I've always wished to have!  To be able to share the life wisdom and energy of so many women who are so different from one another - it'll be so enriching!  I hope I will be able to shed any mask(s) that I hide behind.  I just want to be with the person I am when I'm just myself; when I'm no one but myself to those around me.

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Usually we read our writes out to the group.  For this one, Sharon asked us to distill it down to 1-2 sentences.


~ I intend to find, connect with, and stay with the person I am just to myself; when I'm no one but just me to those around me. ~


After the kind of evening I've had, I needed to draw some inspiration from the retreat, so I sat down with my notebook from the weekend.  Sigh!  This was the very first thing I wrote last weekend.  And the first thing I read just now!  It's what I needed to read!  There's been a lot of talk about my "freedom" lately.  I've often had to explain it, defend it, even to myself sometimes!  That last distilled "intent statement" is it!  That is the kind of freedom I desire - freedom from myself to myself!